I figured out very early on that I was raising a child who wanted to do everything perfectly.
At first, I thought it was cute, but shortly thereafter I realized that a child who strives for perfection in all that they do can be a challenge to parents. The funny thing is perfectionism is both a blessing and a curse, because on one hand, it’s what pushes kids to surpass themselves, but on the other hand, they are never satisfied with the work they do and you and them will end up frustrated in the process.
Here are some characteristics to help you determine if your child is striving for excellence or striving for perfection:
- Frequent Frustration: Does your child become easily frustrated when things don’t go perfectly?
- Excessive Time on Tasks: Do they spend an unreasonable amount of time on tasks, striving for flawless results?
- Low Self-Esteem: Does their quest for perfectionism coincide with feelings of inadequacy or low self-esteem?
- Anxiety: Do they experience heightened levels of anxiety, especially when faced with challenges or setbacks?
- Emotional Outbursts: Do they react strongly to less-than-perfect outcomes, such as receiving a lower grade?
If this is your child, don’t worry there is hope! Here are a few tips:
- Normalize Failure: Teach your child that failure is a natural part of life and a valuable learning experience. Encourage them to view setbacks as opportunities for growth rather than reasons for despair.
- Focus on Progress: Remind your child that perfection is an unrealistic standard and that progress is more important than perfection. Help them understand that what matters most is their effort and growth along the way.
- Manage Expectations: Be mindful of the expectations you place on your child. Offer encouragement and support rather than excessive praise, especially when they’re trying new things or stepping out of their comfort zone.
- Lead by Example: Be a role model for your child by embracing new challenges and experiences yourself. Show them that it’s okay to take risks and make mistakes, as long as they’re willing to learn and grow from them.
At the end of the day, they will grow and learn, and you will survive this phase of life (perhaps with a few new gray hairs) but YOU WILL survive.